I lost it yesterday on Facebook, succumbed to the Dark Side and went skittering down the slippery slope of social-media impropriety. I fully understand that I invite it in the 1st place by participating in this still-young experiment in jiggering a new consciousness (that’s what we’re doing here, realize it or not, or perhaps just reconfiguring the old one), but yesterday, right from the get-go, I was rudely shanghaied by my refreshingly-odd fb friend Lord Robertson before I’d finished my 1st cup of coffee. He had added me to a Group called The Incredible Huggers Society, so I beamed over to have a look-see. I’d lurk, of course, and just observe the folkways & rituals like a proper cyber-anthropologist. The site seemed to be the love child of 2 Filipino girls, one of whose name was ‘Angel’. There was a lot of that Tagalog bama-lama lingo which irritates me anyway, but the worst of it was the unrelenting cheeriness & mawkish displays of undying love & affection, as if everyone in the group were vying for some Miss Congeniality award (the few guy hugged & bestowed smiles & kisses with a sort of sheepish docility). I watched for awhile as they commented on each others posts of cupids & angels (of course) & brightly colored unicorns, cringed at their appalling strings of happy-heart & smiley-face emoticons, bit my tongue over their long & fervent proclamations about the awesome healing power of the common hug, until Angel herself (beaming coquettishly in her profile pic) noticed the new group member, me, and bestowed the full package of welcoming hearts, hugs & exclamation points on me. I felt the need to respond, drop a quick hello/goodbye & remove myself from the group…but the impish Trickster in me won out. I Googled-up an image of a lynched heart (http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=3080269418426&set=a.3041142320273.133757.1614533045&type=3&theater) & posted it on their page, hoping to get some kind of nuanced response. They loved it, thought it was beautiful & showered me with Incredible Hugs. I made only slightly-veiled wiseass comments, which were met with confused hahaha’s & dreaded El-Oh-El’s. They continued tittering & spreading joy amongst themselves while I grew increasingly agitated. Had they no shame? (one gleefully admitted she had peed her pants when hugged by some Bollywood heart-throb celebrity)…Had they no decency? (another gushed about the manliness of his embrace)…Had they no fucking brains?!….I controlled mt impulse to mention starvation in Ethiopia or homeless vets dying in the streets, and was about to remove myself from their gaiety with a final oblique remark, when I saw a new notification pop up. I opened it to find, to my utter horror & dismay, that another erstwhile fb friend had added me to an ‘Intelligent Design’ Group!….I’ve had plenty of run-ins with these moronic & close-minded Christian Biblical Literalists, and just the thought of them pushed me over the edge. I knew what I’d be getting into, that my day would be ruined trying to drive some sense into their hard heads, but I was halfway to distraction anyway with the smiling huggers, so I bit & went looking to pick a fight…but first, as a departing gift to Angel & her joyous mob, I posted a vid of Barry Manilow singing ‘Can’t Smile Without You’ (I’m sure they thought it was marvelous).
As I knew would happen, I spent the rest of the day posting endless scientific refutations of their assinine anti-evolutionary theories of a young earth & a miraculous divine ‘Creationism’, all the while growing more & more frustrated with their refusal (inability?) to admit that Noah could not possibly have fit all those animals on his ark, or that dinosaurs had gone extinct tens of millions of years before the first humans had appeared…..while awaiting further displays of their arrogant ignorance, I posted increasingly harsh images of frustration & anger on my own Facebook page to let off steam……I suppose I should just steer clear of certain types, but sometimes I just can’t resist taking the bait…damn you, impish Trickster!