whose mug bashed the hulls
of a thousand ships,
booked it with Paris to Troy;
terrible were the curses from Menelaus’ lips
as he swore to kick the ass of
“that pissant boy!”
He gathered his troops in the
noon day sun,
fed them red meat & banged on a drum,
’til he noticed who wasn’t there –
his most fearsome warrior,
He stomped off to find him
with wrath in his heart –
“the bastard’s betrayed me!”, he thought.
He spied an old woman
on a donkey-cart,
and asked her about the hero he sought:
“Have you seen brave Achilles,
my foremost at arms?”
The old woman
turned her back in unusual haste,
and Menelaus noted her rough lack of charm;
then he noticed the beard on her face.
“Achilles, you rascal! What’s with the disguise?
We must hurry to Troy and make war!”
Brave Achilles looked sheepishly
up towards the skies
and blushed from his flesh to his core.
“Ah, well, good king,
I was planning a prank with this disguise
on a gullible merchant’s wife in town.
Please don’t tell the other guys,
they’d never let me live it down.”
So brave Achilles went,
and great war came to pass –
’twas a good thing, too….
for no one else could’ve
kicked Hector’s ass.